The Foundations of a Peaceful Marriage

LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH, NOT BECAUSE OF YOUR SPOUSE

The main principle for peace within a marriage is:

A husband loves his wife for the sake of Allah.

A wife loves her husband for the sake of Allah.

Not because of appearance.

Not because of wealth.

Not because of how they are treated.

Not because of custom.

Not because of morality.

Not because of the spouse themselves.

FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

If a husband asks:

“Do you love me?”

Answer:

“I love you for the sake of Allah.”

If a wife asks:

“Do you love me?”

Answer:

“I love you for the sake of Allah.”

Because the foundation of a believer’s love is not another human being.

Its foundation is Allah.

Allah says:

وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً

“And He placed between you affection and mercy.”

— Ar-Rum 30:21

Notice:

وَجَعَلَ — “And He placed.”

Who placed that love?

ALLAH.

The husband does not create the love.

The wife does not create the love.

Allah is the One who places affection and mercy between them.

The love exists between husband and wife, but the One who brings it into existence is Allah.

Therefore, do not transfer the foundation of love from Allah to your spouse.

ALLAH IS THE ONE WHO CREATES THE LOVE.

THE HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE THE ONES WHO RECEIVE ITS BOND.

That is why a husband does not hold the belief:

“I love my wife because of my wife.”

Rather:

“I love my wife for the sake of Allah.”

And a wife does not say:

“I love my husband because of my husband.”

Rather:

“I love my husband for the sake of Allah.”

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MARRIAGE IS ALSO AN ACT OF WORSHIP

Allah says:

قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِى وَنُسُكِى وَمَحْيَاىَ وَمَمَاتِى لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَٰلَمِينَ

“Say: Indeed, my Salah, my worship, my life and my death are for Allah, Lord of all the worlds.”

— Al-An‘am 6:162

Notice:

وَمَحْيَاىَ — my life

Marriage is part of life.

Therefore, marriage must also be for the sake of Allah.

Not marriage because of custom.

Not marriage because of society.

Not marriage because one wants to appear good.

Not marriage because one wants to satisfy human standards of morality.

Marriage for the sake of Allah.

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INTENTION DETERMINES THE DIRECTION

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

إِنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ

“Indeed, actions are according to intentions.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim

Therefore, the underlying belief must be corrected from the beginning.

Not:

“I married because I love them.”

But:

“I married for the sake of Allah, and therefore I love them for the sake of Allah.”

Not:

“I care for my wife because she is my wife.”

But:

“I care for my wife for the sake of Allah.”

Not:

“I obey and care for my husband because he is my husband.”

But:

“I fulfil this trust for the sake of Allah.”

This is what distinguishes custom from worship.

The actions may appear the same.

But the intentions are different.

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DO NOT TURN MARRIAGE INTO A MORAL PROJECT

Morality changes according to society, time and culture.

But religion is not built upon human standards.

Allah says:

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

“And I did not create the jinn and humankind except that they should worship Me.”

— Az-Zariyat 51:56

Therefore, being a husband is an act of worship.

Being a wife is an act of worship.

Earning a living is an act of worship.

Raising children is an act of worship.

Taking care of the home is an act of worship.

Forgiving your spouse is an act of worship.

Treating your spouse justly is an act of worship.

The foundation remains one:

FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

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REMEMBER — ALLAH HAS GHIRAH

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغَارُ

“Indeed, Allah has ghirah.”

— Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim

Therefore, do not allow love for your spouse to take the place of what should ultimately be returned to Allah.

Do not set aside Allah’s commands because of a husband.

Do not transgress Allah’s limits because of a wife.

Do not sacrifice religion merely to protect your spouse’s feelings.

Your spouse is loved for the sake of Allah.

Allah is not set aside for the sake of your spouse.

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SAVE THE MARRIAGE FROM THOGHUT

Allah says:

فَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِٱلطَّٰغُوتِ وَيُؤْمِنۢ بِٱللَّهِ فَقَدِ ٱسْتَمْسَكَ بِٱلْعُرْوَةِ ٱلْوُثْقَىٰ

“Whoever rejects thoghut and believes in Allah has indeed grasped the firmest bond.”

— Al-Baqarah 2:256

Save the marriage from foundations other than religion.

From ego.

From desires.

From customs.

From social pressure.

From human standards of morality.

From the authority of a spouse being placed above religion.

Marriage is not a place where one human being becomes the absolute master over another.

Marriage is a trust.

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CHANGE THE UNDERLYING BELIEF OF MARRIAGE

From:

“I build a marriage because of love.”

To:

“I BUILD A MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.”

From:

“I love my wife.”

To:

“I love my wife for the sake of Allah.”

From:

“I love my husband.”

To:

“I love my husband for the sake of Allah.”

From:

“We want to be a good couple.”

To:

“We want to make this marriage an act of worship for the sake of Allah.”

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A PRAYER FOR MARRIAGE

Allah says:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our descendants comfort to our eyes, and make us an example for those who are mindful of You.”

— Al-Furqan 25:74

CONCLUSION

Love does not belong to the husband.

Love does not belong to the wife.

Allah is the One who places it between them.

Therefore, do not make your spouse the reason for your love.

Make Allah the reason.

A HUSBAND LOVES HIS WIFE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

A WIFE LOVES HER HUSBAND FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

And build a marriage not because of custom, not because of morality, and not because of people.

BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

ALLAH IS THE ONE WHO CREATES THE LOVE.

ALLAH IS THE FOUNDATION.

THE HUSBAND AND WIFE CARRY HIS TRUST.